Early morning drop off at the airport to send my youngest back for her final semester of college and I’m dissolved into tears that are as prolific as the day I dropped off my oldest child for her first day of college.
I suppose the tears represent bookends in our life: the first days of our nuclear family no longer living under one roof and the end of our children calling this home.
My baby girl is not coming home after college – she’s found her tribe of friends, a boyfriend, and her place in the world, at least for now, a 3 hour plane ride away. I was so proud of her bravery when she chose a school halfway across the country where she knew no one, not to mention all of this amid COVID. She didn’t just do well, she never looked back and thrived beyond my wildest dreams. I’ve missed her but have never been immensely sad because when your child is so happy, it’s hard to do anything but celebrate that happiness.
That all came crashing down this morning.
This drop off took my breath away.
It’s the last time she will be home where it will truly be home.
No more month-long winter breaks.
No more 3-month long summer breaks.
Her next step will involve life somewhere else and our home will be a place she visits.
This chapter of parenting has me humbled and is proving to be something I wasn’t quite prepared for. The way that I can be so proud of my children and happy to watch them create lives of their own, and in the very same moment be so devastatingly sad and grieve the things that will never be true for our family again.
I’ve buried this on my blog that no one reads because I never, ever want my daughter to know the depths of my sadness but I needed to write it down in order to release it and move forward from this moment. She knows I miss her and that I’m sad when she leaves because I think it’s important she knows that I can miss her and celebrate her happiness all at once. But this immense emotion I’m feeling would plant a seed of guilt in my deeply empathetic girl that I never, ever want her to feel.
I know I’m not alone in these feelings but man, this parenting thing takes some strength.🥰
Thanks for sharing! All the best to you!